So today, I met Tim Chance for lunch, and we went to one of those generic Chinese buffets that are found in every other shopping center. You know, they all have a two-word name with either “China,” “Asian,” “Jade” or “Emperor’s” for the first word and “Buffet,” “Palace,” “Express” or “Inn” for the second. I don’t remember the name of this one, but it was some combination of the aforementioned words.

These places are all the same. Most of them aren’t bad, but they aren’t great either. This one was a bit different in that they had a few more “authentic” items on the buffet such as chicken feet, which they called “Phoenix Claws.” No, I didn’t partake.

So when we received our fortune cookies, mine had this statement:

“You will soon be crossing the great waters.”

What?

I was kind of speechless, so Tim asked me what mine said. “I think mine says that I’m gonna die soon.” I showed it to him, and he thought it was pretty odd, too.

So I motioned to a waitress that was walking by. I showed it to her, but she obviously neither read nor spoke English. Smiling, she simply shrugged her shoulders.

I mean, I know it’s just a fortune cookie. It means nothing. To even think about taking it seriously would be superstitious. But still...

Another waitress came over. Her English was a little better, but not by much. I said to her, “I think it means...” and I drew my finger across my neck in a swift motion. Her eyes grew big and she shook her head.

As we’re walking out, Tim’s reading his fortune to me, adding the words “in bed” at the end and laughing. He tells me that he was taught that trick when he was in elementary school. “Really?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

As we’re about to leave, the hostess stops us. “They say you got a bad fortune cookie. This is not possible. All fortunes are good.” Her English was actually a bit more broken than that, but it seems a bit demeaning to write it that way.

I pulled the fortune from my pocket, and read it to her. “‘You will soon be crossing the great waters.’ I think it means I’m going to die,” I said with a lump in my throat.

She puzzled over it for a few seconds and then her face lit up. “No, no. In Chinese culture, water is always a good thing. You’re about to go on a profitable journey. Or something good is going to happen to you.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, “Because it really sounds like it’s saying I’m going to die. I’m going to ‘cross the great waters.’”

“No, no. Good things are going to happen to you very soon.”

I smiled and we left. She had obviously just made that up.

I know, I know. It means nothing. But if this blog suddenly receives no more new content, and you don’t see a “Technical Difficulties” disclaimer, like last time, well... you know what really happened.