The Real Reason James Brown Has a Funny Haircut
12/09/2003 15:14 Filed in: Politics
My excursion into politics...fantasy politics...
I know I said I wanted to avoid a lot of the really personal kind of entries, but this is so funny (and obscure), so I have to share it. It all goes back to a dream I had a couple of weeks ago. This may give you some kind of weird insight into my psychological standing, and if so, keep your psychoanalysis to yourself.
Have you ever had one of those dreams that was so real that when you awoke, it took a bit before you realized it wasn't true? And then you were a bit disappointed once you really realized that? Well this dream was like this.
Most of you know that I am originally from Louisiana. In my dream, Arnold Schwarzenegger was running not for California governor , but Louisiana governor . And he approached me because he said he had read my blog and he liked some of my views. Now what you really have to realize that in the real world, I had not yet started writing this blog, but the idea was already in my mind.
Arnold told me that he wanted me to be his running mate--he wanted me to run for Lt. Governor. Of course at first I immediately said yes, not because I have any real political aspirations, but mainly because I thought it would be cool to get to hang out with Arnold Schwarzenegger . Of course after I accepted his offer, I began to think of reasons why I really shouldn't do this.
I told Arnold, "Now you realize that I am not a republican like you, in case you are assuming that." But to that he said, "We are building da platform of diversity" (and you really ought to hear me say this in Arnold's voice). And he went on to tell me that he was a bit further to the left politically than I was and he needed someone to help him gain the more conservative vote.
And then I started worrying because I realized there would be debates and press conferences and what if I was asked something to which I was just clueless? So I decided I needed a few platform sound bytes. My first one would be "As your Lieutenant Governor, I will seek to create new jobs and a thriving economy in Louisiana ." But then I thought, what if someone asks me how I was going to do that. I had no idea, so I decided my response would be "Next question?" Also, I would tell people that we needed to really emphasize tourism in the state once again because I felt tourism had been neglected. Again, what if they asked me how I was going to do this. I did not know what I was going to say and I was more and more concerned that I was just going to come across as a doofus .
I told Arnold about my worries and he told me not to worry... that "You will do fine" (again, you really ought to hear me do his voice).
Suddenly, as we were talking, in walked James Brown . Yes, the "I Feel Good !" James Brown. And I realized that he, too, was running for governor of Louisiana. Of course, that made him the enemy. I walked over to him to shake his hand and see if I could get a feel for whether or not he was any real threat against us.
When I greeted him, he said, "Hey, man, I need a haircut." At that point, I really didn't think he was a threat anymore because he thought I was a barber. So I told him to sit down in the chair in front of us, and I would cut his hair. Of course, you have to realize that I don't know anything about cutting hair. I wouldn't cut the hair on a dog!
And since I didn't know anything about cutting hair, I found a rather large bowl lying around and I put that on James Brown's head and I simply cut around it. He did question my method, but I told him it was the in-thing and it would make him cool with you younger constituents. Of course he looked horrible and I wondered how mad he was going to be once he figured out that he had been punked by his political rivals.
At that point in the fun, I woke up unfortunately. There's never good closure in my dreams because I always have to turn off the alarm clock or go to the bathroom at some point. But the dream had been so vivid that it was not immediately clear to me that it wasn't at all real. But once that truth settled in on me, I was greatly disappointed.
Now, I know nothing about dream interpretation, but if you do, I welcome you to take a shot. However, I do find two things about the whole thing rather interesting. First, when I had this dream I didn't have a blog and now I do. So what's next? Maybe politics is in my future, too? (Arnold, if you're really reading this, give me a call and let's have lunch next time I'm in Sacramento). And second, isn't it amazing how quickly I resorted to dirty politics (the whole bowl haircut incident on James Brown). What's up with that?!
I know I said I wanted to avoid a lot of the really personal kind of entries, but this is so funny (and obscure), so I have to share it. It all goes back to a dream I had a couple of weeks ago. This may give you some kind of weird insight into my psychological standing, and if so, keep your psychoanalysis to yourself.
Have you ever had one of those dreams that was so real that when you awoke, it took a bit before you realized it wasn't true? And then you were a bit disappointed once you really realized that? Well this dream was like this.
Most of you know that I am originally from Louisiana. In my dream, Arnold Schwarzenegger was running not for California governor , but Louisiana governor . And he approached me because he said he had read my blog and he liked some of my views. Now what you really have to realize that in the real world, I had not yet started writing this blog, but the idea was already in my mind.
Arnold told me that he wanted me to be his running mate--he wanted me to run for Lt. Governor. Of course at first I immediately said yes, not because I have any real political aspirations, but mainly because I thought it would be cool to get to hang out with Arnold Schwarzenegger . Of course after I accepted his offer, I began to think of reasons why I really shouldn't do this.
I told Arnold, "Now you realize that I am not a republican like you, in case you are assuming that." But to that he said, "We are building da platform of diversity" (and you really ought to hear me say this in Arnold's voice). And he went on to tell me that he was a bit further to the left politically than I was and he needed someone to help him gain the more conservative vote.
And then I started worrying because I realized there would be debates and press conferences and what if I was asked something to which I was just clueless? So I decided I needed a few platform sound bytes. My first one would be "As your Lieutenant Governor, I will seek to create new jobs and a thriving economy in Louisiana ." But then I thought, what if someone asks me how I was going to do that. I had no idea, so I decided my response would be "Next question?" Also, I would tell people that we needed to really emphasize tourism in the state once again because I felt tourism had been neglected. Again, what if they asked me how I was going to do this. I did not know what I was going to say and I was more and more concerned that I was just going to come across as a doofus .
I told Arnold about my worries and he told me not to worry... that "You will do fine" (again, you really ought to hear me do his voice).
Suddenly, as we were talking, in walked James Brown . Yes, the "I Feel Good !" James Brown. And I realized that he, too, was running for governor of Louisiana. Of course, that made him the enemy. I walked over to him to shake his hand and see if I could get a feel for whether or not he was any real threat against us.
When I greeted him, he said, "Hey, man, I need a haircut." At that point, I really didn't think he was a threat anymore because he thought I was a barber. So I told him to sit down in the chair in front of us, and I would cut his hair. Of course, you have to realize that I don't know anything about cutting hair. I wouldn't cut the hair on a dog!
And since I didn't know anything about cutting hair, I found a rather large bowl lying around and I put that on James Brown's head and I simply cut around it. He did question my method, but I told him it was the in-thing and it would make him cool with you younger constituents. Of course he looked horrible and I wondered how mad he was going to be once he figured out that he had been punked by his political rivals.
At that point in the fun, I woke up unfortunately. There's never good closure in my dreams because I always have to turn off the alarm clock or go to the bathroom at some point. But the dream had been so vivid that it was not immediately clear to me that it wasn't at all real. But once that truth settled in on me, I was greatly disappointed.
Now, I know nothing about dream interpretation, but if you do, I welcome you to take a shot. However, I do find two things about the whole thing rather interesting. First, when I had this dream I didn't have a blog and now I do. So what's next? Maybe politics is in my future, too? (Arnold, if you're really reading this, give me a call and let's have lunch next time I'm in Sacramento). And second, isn't it amazing how quickly I resorted to dirty politics (the whole bowl haircut incident on James Brown). What's up with that?!