The Impossible Super X-Pirate Vice Code in the Water
08/01/2006 21:36 Filed in: Movies and Television
A Guest Final Summer Movie Recap by Andrew Wells
Final thoughts on the movie summer (yes, I know it’s August, but in Hollywood, it’s over).
The “If a Tree Falls” Award: To Mission Impossible 3, which made almost 200 million, yet was seen by nobody.
Best movie about Jesus Christ that didn’t mention Jesus Christ: Superman Returns. How messianic can you get?
Worst movie about Jesus Christ that did mention Jesus Christ: The DaVinci Code.
More things for Christians to worry about: While Code had much hoopla and made (relatively) little money in America, the movie has quietly racked up nearly $750 million dollars in other parts of the world.
Best way to kill Superman besides Kryptonite: Send Johnny Depp after him.
Second best way to kill Superman besides Kryptonite: Release an awesome trailer for the big movie event of next summer the day before your competition comes out, so that everybody will talk about you and not them.
Who’s laughing now: Everybody thought Fox Studios was being petty in racing to get X3 out because director Bryan Singer jumped ship to make Superman Returns. Yet they’ve made more money so far.
Can’t Get a Break Award: To Orlando Bloom, who will wind up starring in two of the most highly successful movie trilogies of all time, yet will probably never work again.
The book is probably better than the movie: Nobody seems to like M. Night Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water. What might be the final nail in the coffin is Michael Bamberger’s book The Man Who Heard Voices, which provides an account of how Shyamalan came up with the movie, how he broke up with Disney studios over it, and how he got it made. The book argues that Shyamalan may be the most distinct original voice since directors Alfred Hitchcock or Stanley Kubrick, but that he also may have the ego to match.
Lesson that Hollywood has finally learned: Despite the success of Miami Vice, movie makers seem to have realized that people don’t want to see movie adoptions of old TV shows anymore. At least till the next one comes out.
Lesson that Hollywood needs to learn: That special effects aren’t everything. It’s been 15 years since the true arrival of CGI in the movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and that movie still looks better than almost anything coming out now. Everybody is amazed at Pirates' Davy Jones character, but I’d rather have consistency than the latest breakthrough. And does any director under 30 know how to use effects to help tell a story, instead of using it as a crutch?
Last year’s junk is this year’s treasure: Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven was thoroughly trashed last year. But a director’s cut has come out this year, restoring over an hour of material. It supposedly makes all the difference in the world, turning a misunderstood movie into a great historical epic.
Christmas in July: We’ve got Spiderman 3, Pirates 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Ocean’s 13, and a lot of other promising titles next summer. It’s the most excited I’ve been about movies in a long time.
Rick's Comment: C'mon, Andrew...I think I heard you say that same last sentence last summer.
Andrew Wells can be reached at arwell012002@yahoo.com.
Final thoughts on the movie summer (yes, I know it’s August, but in Hollywood, it’s over).
Best movie about Jesus Christ that didn’t mention Jesus Christ: Superman Returns. How messianic can you get?
Worst movie about Jesus Christ that did mention Jesus Christ: The DaVinci Code.
More things for Christians to worry about: While Code had much hoopla and made (relatively) little money in America, the movie has quietly racked up nearly $750 million dollars in other parts of the world.
Best way to kill Superman besides Kryptonite: Send Johnny Depp after him.
Second best way to kill Superman besides Kryptonite: Release an awesome trailer for the big movie event of next summer the day before your competition comes out, so that everybody will talk about you and not them.
Who’s laughing now: Everybody thought Fox Studios was being petty in racing to get X3 out because director Bryan Singer jumped ship to make Superman Returns. Yet they’ve made more money so far.
Can’t Get a Break Award: To Orlando Bloom, who will wind up starring in two of the most highly successful movie trilogies of all time, yet will probably never work again.
The book is probably better than the movie: Nobody seems to like M. Night Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water. What might be the final nail in the coffin is Michael Bamberger’s book The Man Who Heard Voices, which provides an account of how Shyamalan came up with the movie, how he broke up with Disney studios over it, and how he got it made. The book argues that Shyamalan may be the most distinct original voice since directors Alfred Hitchcock or Stanley Kubrick, but that he also may have the ego to match.
Lesson that Hollywood has finally learned: Despite the success of Miami Vice, movie makers seem to have realized that people don’t want to see movie adoptions of old TV shows anymore. At least till the next one comes out.
Lesson that Hollywood needs to learn: That special effects aren’t everything. It’s been 15 years since the true arrival of CGI in the movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and that movie still looks better than almost anything coming out now. Everybody is amazed at Pirates' Davy Jones character, but I’d rather have consistency than the latest breakthrough. And does any director under 30 know how to use effects to help tell a story, instead of using it as a crutch?
Last year’s junk is this year’s treasure: Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven was thoroughly trashed last year. But a director’s cut has come out this year, restoring over an hour of material. It supposedly makes all the difference in the world, turning a misunderstood movie into a great historical epic.
Christmas in July: We’ve got Spiderman 3, Pirates 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Ocean’s 13, and a lot of other promising titles next summer. It’s the most excited I’ve been about movies in a long time.
Rick's Comment: C'mon, Andrew...I think I heard you say that same last sentence last summer.
Andrew Wells can be reached at arwell012002@yahoo.com.