Harness iPod's dollar power -- porn on the go!


Porn is the answer to booming acceptance of iPod video.


I am the first. At least, I am the first I know of to think of this idea at this very moment in time, in this exact space, which you are right now reading, given that I'm quite sure that the very minute Apple announced its sexy, delicious new video-capable iPod, roughly 5 million people -- and most of them men -- simultaneously thought of it too.

No matter. I shall henceforth argue that I was one of the first to think of turning my genius iPod porn idea into an instant company, writing up a business plan and hiring a programmer and a team of lawyers and investing a wad of someone else's VC cash into renting a stack of servers and outsourcing my tech support to Bangalore, India, because, oh my God, the idea is just right there, ripe and waiting, and I could sure use the millions of dollars I would surely make in one single month.

IPod porn. The time has come. The idea is brilliantly, geniusly simple.

Oh, brother!

Here it is: The new iPod, as the world now knows, plays video. You can download reformatted music videos, scaled-down episodes of "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives," some Pixar shorts and a couple of weird teen shows you've never heard of, and you only pay 2 bucks apiece for the privilege, which, apparently, some people are actually doing because God knows you can't have enough 1-inch-high Eva Longorias in bad black negligees.

Apple being Apple, this advance has been hailed as either the Second Coming of television, the Innovation That Will Change Everything, or it's a resounding thud, a remains-to-be-seen microadvance in excessive gizmo fetishism that most people beyond TiVo-addicted media fanatics won't care much about because, after all, who the hell wants to pay for some old show on a 2.5-inch screen? Isn't that why God invented 100-inch plasma TVs and cheap DVD players and laziness and beer? Damn right.

Did you already figure it out? Of course you did. Porn is the answer. Porn will make it all happen. I only want my $50 mil finder's fee.
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Porncasting is now. Porncasting is a must. After all, someone has to counter the scary prospect of all those video iPod religious sermons. Shudder.

Posted: Fri - October 21, 2005 at 06:25 AM